Touch

By Charmaine A. Nelson

 

Why do people crave a lovers’ embrace? Why do friends greet each other with a hug? Why do married couples like to spoon in bed? Why does a crying baby calm down when cuddled in its mother’s arms? The answer is touch. While other senses are also always at play, the power of touch for our daily health and wellbeing is not to be underestimated. In addition to the fallout from the Covid pandemic, the alienating impact of our high tech, low touch, screen-abundant lives (which provoke anti-social behaviours through our supposedly social media) means an urgent conversation is needed about how human contact is being phased out of our daily lives.

 

One obvious outcome is the much-cited crisis with young men and boys who have increasingly withdrawn into cloistered, media-, tech-, and gaming-driven homosocial spaces (like their parents’ basements) to engage in social media feeds that increase their anxieties about changing definitions of masculinity and their often awkward or non-existent interactions with females. One outgrowth of this is the misogynistic incel culture (involuntary celibate) which sees women and girls as enemies to be controlled, tamed, and re-educated to conform to radically reductive patriarchal norms. But besides a lack of social skills, dangerously outdated perceptions of human potential, and a desire for stereotypically violent masculine behaviours, what these males have in common is a lack of intelligent intellectual stimulation, loving human connection, and reaffirming touch.

Another looming problem is the inevitable impact of AI on human interaction and sexuality. It is a tragic and disappointing fact that in the not-too-distant future a growing number of humans will opt to have “relationships” with AI fuelled apps, robots or silicone sex dolls instead of other humans. In fact, disturbingly, some people (mainly men) are already doing so, even claiming to be married to their sex dolls, although most sex dolls, however realistic, are not yet animated.

 

Some 9.7% of American men and 6.1 % of American women owned a sex doll in 2024. While already popular in China, many women have begun to turn to apps to design personalized AI boyfriends. The supposed upside is the same as the downside, that the virtual partner you design will be amenable to your every desire, wish, and whim, bending to your moods and removing all of the friction from the relationship, reinforcing your thoughts and ideas however zany, outrageous, or outright crazy. So, you know what’s coming right? Once the “perfect boyfriend/girlfriend” attributes of the app are wedded to the “almost real” attributes of the silicone dolls and the futuristic tech of robotics, what’s to stop the most contact averse people from opting out of human relationships altogether?

 

 

The recent thrillers Subservience (2024) and Simulant (2023) shed light on a new world order in which life-like humanoid robots were a part of daily romantic (and sexual life), while The Uglies (2024) critiqued the advent of a beauty-obsessed culture in which everyone was expected to be transformed into their perfect “beautiful” selves by the state at the age of sixteen. When the changes depicted in these not-so-futuristic films take hold, we will have to confront the fact that there will be growing populations of humans who will not know how to relate to other humans. This means that the threat of AI and the urgent need for its regulation (as detailed by experts like Geoffrey Hinton) need not only encompass military, economic, education, scientific, and medical applications, but the very question of what it means to be human and what it means to set in motion “developments” and technologies that undermine and destroy our humanity.

Statistics indicate that many people are no longer cultivating close friendships in countries like Canada and the USA where it is typical to have family members spread out across vast swaths of the country or in various regions of the world. While 47.9 % of Canadians could count on seeing friends daily back in 1986, in 2022 that number dropped to 19.3%. So, getting together, being together, and family time look starkly different from even fifty years ago. Add to this that many people, especially younger folks, think that it’s perfectly fine to use text for anything from making appointments, to planning a date, “hooking up,” or breaking up (hence the term ghosting), then we have a real problem. To the extent that the act of texting and the solitude of swiping imply a physical distance and separation in communication (or the suspension of communication altogether), how will we maintain an understanding of the power of gathering, shaking hands, looking each other in the eye, breaking bread, patting each other on the back, embracing, and kissing? Around the world, statics from various countries, including Canada, Australia, France, Germany, Japan, South Korea, and the USA, indicate significant declines in sexual activity and frequency, even prior to the Covid Pandemic of 2020. At the same time, research indicates that the too easy accessibility of online pornography has changed the way people view sex, making unrealistic (and often harmful) fantasy scenarios and unattainable body types seem normal and leading to compulsive or “involuntary” sexual behaviours, stress, anxiety, and depression.

Add to this the fact that significant portions of Gen Z (those born between 1997 and 2012) are delaying or foregoing sexual activity and we have real concerns to confront. All this of course means, we are touching and being touched far less than in decades past. But how many of us understand the power of touch for human survival?

According to Psychology Today, the human need for touch is primal and touch deprivation leads to negative health outcomes like anxiety, depression, and immune system disorders. Put simply, humans are programmed for touch. In fact, touch is the first sense that babies develop in the womb and they sense (by about week seven) and react when mothers rub their pregnant bellies.

 

After birth, touch provides comfort, security, and aids in a baby’s bonding with caregivers, reducing stress and aiding in the formation of healthy attachment. According to Standford Medicine, this skin-to-skin contact also helps babies regulate their body temperatures, heart rate, and breathing, while increasing mothers’ hormones like oxytocin and prolactin that support bonding, relaxation, and milk let-down. The touch between mother (or caregiver) and baby also influences a baby’s hormones related to growth and weight and aids in the development of their somatosensory systems which are responsible for processing sensory information for the body. In their study from 2020, Ann E. Bigelow and Lela Rankin Williams argue that touch may be the most important sense in early infancy. The pair posited that infants’ desire to snuggle into the body of their caregiver is innate, a way for them to use their largest organ (their skin) to gather information about the person who is holding them, not only through touch, but also through voice, sight, and smell. For the caregiver, close physical, frontal contact with infants stimulates the release of – you guessed it – oxytocin which is associated with nurturing behaviours and positive moods.

 

But touch also has a positive impact between adults. Oxytocin is also released in the body through physical touch like hugging, cuddling, and holding hands. Affectionate touch can also deepen emotional intimacy, allowing partners to feel more loved, secure, and supported, and helping couples to develop resilience in their relationships. Positive physical touch in adults is also related to anxiety and stress reduction, pain relief, enhanced sleep, and improved immune function.

While the touch of loved ones cannot be replaced, if you are alone in an unfriendly or unwelcoming environment and without close friends or family at hand, one way to supplement your need for touch is through regular appointments with health and wellness professionals like a masseuse, aesthetician, hairdresser, barber, chiropractor, or fitness trainer, all of whom routinely touch their clients and patients to facilitate their care and services. As for sexual health, consensual affectionate touch is the bedrock of healthy sexuality, leading to increased connection and intimacy, enhanced wellbeing, reduced stress, and improved mood and communication.

 

 

Is it any wonder then, that so many of our favourite romantic and sexy songs feature lyrics about touching? Here’s a few to get you in the mood to Reach Out and Touch (Somebody’s Hand) [1970] as the great Diana Ross once sang: Mel Carter’s Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me (1965), The Bee Gees How Deep is your Love (1977), Journey’s Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’ (1979), Beres Hammond’s Tempted to Touch (1996), Joe’s Love Scene (1997), Rupee’s Tempted to Touch (2002),  Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do (2015), and Taki Taki by DJ Snake featuring Ozuna, Cardi B, and Selena Gomez (2019).

 

We urgently need education and intelligent conversation about the numbing and impairing effects of online pornography and the rise of apps and technologies that seek to replace or irradiate human touch, contact, and connection. Since the unchecked speed (and undisclosed harms) of AI are being fuelled by greed and profits, we must move quickly to push our politicians to act for our collective wellbeing and place guardrails on technological developments that promise to destroy the very essence of our preciousness as humans.