Kiss me, you Fool!

Human beings are mammals. This is worth stating from the onset because our speciesism leads us to believe that we are better than every other living thing on the planet. While we may not be better in all the ways we assume, we are certainly different in some obvious respects. Take kissing for instance – yes kissing! Less than half of all societies partake in kissing – an intimate act of affection, reconciliation, and courtship – making humans one of several primates who go mouth-to-mouth. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to consider how and why this sensual act has evolved, what purpose it serves, and how to do it better! As Valentine’s Day approaches, we hope some of the “why” of kissing is obvious to you and that you approach the act as a sensual way of giving and receiving pleasure. But to do so, may we suggest that you forgo the lazy, run-of-the-mill, routine kissing, and step up your game in ways that are sure to please your partner and yourself.

What?
First let’s make sure we all know what kissing is. Kissing is most often defined as the pressure of the lips against another person, animal, or object to express affection, love, greeting, or sexual attraction. It is also a way to share intimate information. The kind of kissing we’d like to consider is human-to-human, lip-to-lip contact between lovers or that which sparks or amplifies sexual attraction.

When?
According to Scientific American the first kiss in recorded human history likely dates back 5,000 years to the bronze age in Mesopotamia and Egypt, but the transfer of oral microbes suggests that humans may have started to touch lips some 100,000 ago. According to Troels Pank Arbøll, evidence of sexual kissing (coupled with copulation) dates to mythological texts from before 2,500 B.C.E.

Kissing is not bound to a certain time of day. But for best results, morning kissing should be preceded by teeth brushing. This may sound obvious to most, but if romance movies or soap operas are to be believed, people simply roll over in the bed, open their eyes, and stick their tongues in their lover’s mouth! We strongly suggest that you abstain from such actions until you can confirm not just a clean, fresh mouth, but good oral hygiene. This means brushing in the morning and after each meal, flossing nightly, and according to the Canadian Dental Association, twice yearly dental exams that include cleanings.

Why?
There is some indication that kissing is related to “premastication food transfer” through which our ancient maternal forebearers chewed our food for us and transferred it into our mouths. Arbøll argues that kissing evolved at least in part for heterosexuals to determine mate suitability and gene compatibility. As Melissa Hogenboom explains, the proximity entailed in mouth-to-mouth kissing also means smelling the other person which is a way to ascertain various kinds of information like “diet, presence of disease, mood and relatedness.”

How? (Mouth and Lip Prep)
Getting ready for a sensual kiss means preparing the mouth and lips for intimate contact. But as Andrew Smith explains the traditional “scorched earth” approach to mouthwashes may be doing more harm than good. A study from the Rutgers School of Dental Medicine found that the herbal ingredients in naturopathic mouthwash may target disease-causing bacteria while preserving protective microbes “that maintain healthy gums and teeth.” Once your mouth is ready for action, don’t forget your lips. There are many things that make black people beautiful, from our glorious complexions to the magic of our wonderful, sculptural hair. But right up there near the tippy-top of that list are our luscious, kissable lips which are the envy of other races (just ask the aestheticians cleaning up on lip fillers)! But while most of us have a natural kissabilty, that does not mean the lips don’t require some Valentine’s Day pampering and prep. These days it’s not hard to come by with all manner of lip exfoliators, moisturizers, and masks for women and men. Nobody wants to lock lips with someone whose mouth feels like sandpaper! Lip care is especially necessary for those of us who live in cold-weather climates where frigid and dry winter weather can do a number on the skin, including the lips.

How? (Technique)
Once your mouth and lips are ready, take a moment to think about your approach. For many women, a slow, sensual, erotic build up beats the pounce-and-tongue-thrust method that some men seem to think is a turn on. (It’s not!) We’d also like to suggest that you actually use your lips to touch, tease, suck, and explore your lover’s mouth in sensual ways, before the tongue is introduced. This is in sharp distinction to people who think kissing is locking mouths in the absence of lip play. Think again!

Who?
We’ll leave the who to you and trust that you have a boo who’s ready and willing to lock lips with you, once the mood is right. To set the mood, we’d like to remind you of our 2025 list of Five Fab ways to Reboot our Valentines’ Day, and leave you with our 2024 Valentine’s Day Playlist that covers everything from the Booty Call to the Truly, Madly, Deeply moments. Now, pucker up!